Yield Yourself To Me

‘I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing’.
Last summer I sat in a girls bible study, listening to worship music, and this verse came to mind. And then, the still, small voice of God whispered, ‘yield yourself to Me’.

That was the start of the journey, God preparing my heart for the challenge ahead. Once again He showed me grace I have never deserved.

Dictionary.com defines yielding as ‘inclined to give in, submissive, compliant’, or ‘tending to give way, especially under pressure; flexible; supplie; pliable’. Interestingly it also has this definition ‘(of a crop, soil etc), producing a yield; productive’. 

The story that led to us finding out we were expecting a baby is too long for this post. Perhaps one day I will share it. Suffice to say we had to wait, for just a little while. I am so very thankful for God’s timing.

Needless to say I had an idea of what would be best for Roy and I, and our family. I had to learn, month by month, to lay down my idea of what was right and to pursue Jesus. Slowly I started to learn that all I really need, is Him.

It took time for this to sink in for me. It’s hard, is it not, to let go of our plans. I had to learn to submit, to give way to the Lords way. To be like clay in His hands, supple and pliable. Oh these times in life are hard. But these are truly the times I have felt most satisfied in my relationship with Christ. I didn’t know what the future held, but I knew in whose hands I was held.

A miracle happened this Easter. And our child is due on Christmas Day. Jesus has already woven His story into this baby’s life. After all, baby Emerson was His child before He/She belonged to Roy and I. Dreamt up in the imagination of God, formed in the darkness of my womb.

I still feel like I am at the start of the story. I am definitely still on the journey of learning to yield. I don’t believe that women get pregnant because they ‘relax’, or because of really anything they do. God alone ordains creation. He alone decides the times of our lives.

So a year on, I’m still learning how to yield myself, and others to Him.

We Ellershaw’s have a very strong protective streak. I know this is an Ellershaw thing, because I have seen it over and over with my dad. Dad was not happy about other road users giving me abuse as I nervously learnt to drive. Dad stood up for me when a fellow netball player tried to take my position without the permission of the coach. Meanwhile mum was furiously whispering that it didn’t matter and that he shouldn’t make a fuss!

I’ve seen it in my brothers and I see it in me. I am very protective of the people I love. My big brother in law found this out early into my relationship with Roy. Let’s just say I have a pretty good death stare when someone takes the mick out of my guy! My friends have found it out over the years too. I was definitely the mother of my school friendship group. My friend Helen just started going out with my brother Mark and was telling me about a situation where he was in her corner. We laughed about the Ellershaw protective streak coming out in full force.

I am thankful for my father’s example of caring for and protecting his family. I’m thankful that I inherited his protective nature, because it meant I would step in when someone was being treated cruelly on the bus. I can’t stand to see people being treated unfairly or without respect.

I got my dad’s protective streak, and my mum’s fierce love. If I had my way I would protect the people I loved from any and everything that might harm them. This comes out the most with Roy. It comes out in the tiniest things, from him having a doctor’s appointment to confusion over how he might be paid for a job. I want to protect him from any type of pain, however small. So I worry. I worry and worry about the most insignificant things.

If I’m like this with Roy, an adult perfectly capable of looking after himself, imagine what I might be like with the tiny, helpless human I’m growing.

So yes, I’m still learning day by day to yield myself to God. To yield my hopes and plans to Him. To yield my people to Him. To trust that no matter what He might lead our family through, we can get through it because He is with us.

I have learnt a little more that God is enough for me. It comes through, as I wait to hear that precious heartbeat in a midwife appointment, or as the cool gel gets placed on my tummy and I wait to see the image of our little one on the screen.

It might break me in two, but I know in my heart that I can walk through anything if He is with me. And He is always with me.

I don’t need to play God, trying to protect people from pain that I have no control over. I don’t need to keep taking my problems out of His hands and obsess over how I can fix them. I am not the hero in the story of my life. Jesus is.

Recently I heard God’s whisper again. He said ‘tend to your own garden’. I’ve been praying over this, because I’m not totally sure what He means. But I’ve just realised that the verse he gave me last year is about vines and branches, and bearing fruit. Kind of like in a garden.

Jesus is the true vine. Without Him, we are nothing. In Him we find purpose, and meaning and true rest. As I remain in Him, and He in me, I will bear fruit. Fruit of love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Fruit that saves me from the pit of worry and control, fruit that blesses others and lifts their eyes to Him.  I don’t need to be worrying about other branches. I need to tend to my own.

Remember that definition of yielding? As we yield to Him, we give in to His better, we submit to Him and become flexible, supple and pliable like clay. If our natural tendency is to give way under the ‘pressure’ of His perfect love, we produce a yield. It is only when we remain in Him that we become productive in His Kingdom.

Friends, lets learn to yield ourselves to Him. I promise, the yield you receive will be beautiful.

Perhaps you are walking on the path of waiting as you read this. I am so aware that our wait for children was so short in comparison to so many. I often had to remember that impatience is not infertility. I know some of you waited years, and perhaps are still waiting, who know that their chances of naturally conceiving are highly unlikely without a miracle. You are so special and so loved. I hold you in my heart.

I found the following resources really helpful as I waited;

https://barrentobeautiful.com/  - some of the posts on this blog were such a comfort to my heart.

http://www.organicchristianliving.com/yet-i-will-rejoice-infertility-bible-reading-plan/    - something just clicked in my heart reading this. I especially enjoyed what she wrote about Hannah and Samuel.

The Bible  - the greatest resource for anyone who waits. As one once wrote 'earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal'.  

God's Perfect Timing

This is not an original title. This is something we throw about a lot as Christians. God’s timing is perfect. It applies to all kinds of situations and I can pretty much guarantee that someone has said this to you at some point in your life.

As a Christian you also probably have experiences that prove this to be true. When you got that job at the last minute, or when you drove home on a whim and the next day your parent was rushed into hospital and you were just right where you needed to be, at the right time.

However, if you are anything like me, you can be a slow leaner.

There was a time a little while ago in my life where I was hoping and praying for something new. I had this idea of how things would unfold and I knew when I wanted it to happen. Unfortunately I found myself a few months past my ideal time frame and I was starting to get anxious.

I remember sitting in church and not being able to concentrate on the message. As I watched people around me and prayed, the phrase ‘my heart’s desire’ popped into my mind. I began to pray that God would give me my heart’s desire.

At the end of the service I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned round and a lady from our church quickly started speaking to me, as though she needed to get the words out, like she had been waiting all the service to tell me. This is what she said… 

‘God will give you the desire of your heart, and it will happen in His time’.  

I remember bursting into tears as soon as she said it.

It still gives me shivers just thinking about it. At the time I felt so humbled that God had heard my prayer and sent his servant to relay His message to me. There was no way I could explain this away the way I might have done if the thought had popped into my own head. This lady at church is my friend, but we aren’t super close and I had never before shared anything personal about my life with her. The fact that she had used the exact phrase that I had been praying about blew me away, and it still does!

We prayed together and I went home feeling positive and excited about the next stage of my life.

Months later and I was still waiting.

You see, even though God had clearly told me this would happen in His time, I was still trying to make it happen in my own time. I would think, I would like it to have happened before my birthday…before Christmas…before….

One day as I felt overwhelmed with disappointment I began to think about what God had said to me. Yes, He would give me the desire of my heart, and I believed it with every part of me. Yes, it would happen in His time, and I was ok with this. But I realised that I was still expecting His time to be in my time frame.

I began to realise…this might not happen for you in a few weeks, it might not happen in a few months, and it might not even have happened by next year. This is going to happen in God’s time, and that might not be anywhere near your idea of what is right, or even perfect.

I had been putting so much pressure on myself trying to make something happen, which I had very little control over.

When we are going through a challenging time we are vulnerable, and there is so much the enemy will try and do in these times. In that season of my life I went through a tonne of lies, comparison, feeling like I had failed and some really sad moments. I questioned Gods love for me, and at times felt like He had left me off the list of blessing, as I watched many people receive what I prayed for.  

That time in my life, where I finally began to accept God’s timing, was such a breakthrough for me. I began to relax, mentally and physically, as I realised that I didn’t have to try and make something happen myself. I began to soak in God’s goodness, His authority and His deep, deep love for me. I began to truly believe that what God had given me right then in that moment was my portion, and that it was GOOD.  

I began to thank Him that I hadn’t received what I longed to receive. I thanked Him that He knew the beginning from the end, that He knew what was good for me, and that He would bless me in this way just at the right time, when I was ready. I thanked Him for all the things He had given me now, for the things I could do now that I wouldn’t be able to do when my life changed.

Thanking God for the very thing He was yet to give me changed my mind set in a really powerful way.  

There were still moments that were hard, but there was also moments were I felt so overwhelmed with Gods love, his kindness and mercy towards me and His hand on my life. My God had not brought me so far to leave me. I began to see that God was coming for me, in my despair and sadness. He was fighting for me when I felt overwhelmed with emptiness.

If you are struggling with waiting for your heart’s desire to be fulfilled, I encourage you to accept God’s timing, to accept that this may not happen when you want it to. That can be so hard and it can hurt. But by doing so, by submitting to God, you enter into His rest, into a place of peace and joy and hope that the world cannot give. I encourage you to thank Him for His wisdom and goodness, and trust Him to lead you into all good things in His timing. Talk to a trusted friend about your struggle, and know that you are uplifted in prayer. Feel free to give me a message if you would like me to pray for you.

There is not a moment in your life that God has left you.

This isn’t punishment; this is the start of a miracle.

I was looking over my journal and found Psalm 23 from The Passion translation which I had written out. God has often used this Psalm to speak into my life, and I hope it encourages you today.

 

‘The Lord is my best friend and shepherd. I always have more than enough.

He offers a resting place for me in His luxurious love.

His tracks take me to an oasis of peace, the quiet brook of bliss.

That’s where He restores and revives my life.

He opens before me pathways to God’s pleasure and leads me along in His footsteps of righteousness so that I can bring honour to His name.

Lord, even when Your path takes me through the valley of deepest darkness, fear will never conquer me, for You already have!

You remain close to me and lead me through it all the way.

Your authority is my strength and peace!

The comfort of Your love takes away my fear.

I’ll never be lonely for You are near.

You become my delicious feast even when my enemies dare to fight.

You anoint me with the fragrance of Your Holy Spirit.

You give me all I can drink of You until my heart overflows.

So why would I fear the future?

For Your goodness and love pursue me all the days of my life.

Then, afterwards, when my life is through, I’ll return to Your glorious presence to be forever with You’

I've been friends with these girls since I was 12 and they are still two of my bestest feiend's. We know each other like the back of our hands. Always thankful for them.

2018, The Year Of...

I’m writing this on a Sunday morning, looking out at frosty rooftops and a beautiful blue sky. I can’t believe its January again! 2018 has already taught me that reality and my plans never really go hand in hand, since I spent yesterday throwing up and sleeping, when I had hoped to write this, do some baking, get through a lot of laundry and see some friends. But this morning I can write, while my husbands at church and I’m starting to feel a little better. 

2017 was such a special year for us. I remember this time last year so well, when we excitedly booked flights to Guatemala and headed out there in March. It was the year of miracle answers to prayers with work, and since we got back we were able to serve in church through Sunday School and leading worship. I had a lot of baby cuddles, tried new recipes and attended some beautiful weddings with Roy. We did Total Warrior in August, something I never would have imagined myself doing, but which I really enjoyed. I especially enjoyed training for it, getting out in the morning in the sunshine (and rain!), jogging the lanes and fields around our pretty little village. 

The second part of the year was a little harder on us, but still filled with happy moments. Roy has been working most evenings and Saturdays outside, building a new shed/garage and landscaping the garden. It has been a big project, and has meant less time for us to get away together, but it has been a good opportunity for him to learn new skills and to add value to our home. Roy loves a project and I’m so proud of how hardworking he is. We got to visit London for a couple of days over Christmas, where we walked 30k and had a lot of fun being us. 

The New Year sort of crept up on us unexpectedly. We had just got back from London, and Christmas had been busy with lots of family and travelling up and down the M6. I think for me especially, I felt a sort of trepidation about another year. I would look on social media and see a lot of posts about how people couldn’t wait for a New Year, how they were so excited about what it would bring, how they were ready for it! And I was thinking, ‘I don’t feel ready at all. The start of 2018 doesn’t look like I expected it to. I’m not sure what it’s going to bring, and I don’t like that feeling!’ 

Sometimes life doesn’t look like we expected it too, or how we hoped it would. How are you meant to feel when your idea of this stage of your life is not the same as your reality? I don’t have all the answers, all I can say is I get it. I see you, and I understand. 

I think one thing I have realised is that our sense of hope and joy cannot be found in anything other than the person of Jesus. Otherwise we will be disappointed. You may have hoped for a Christmas and New Year made more exciting by that promotion, or the proposal you had dreamed of, or for the sale of your house and being in a new home ready for a new year. When these things do not happen, we are left with what we have always had, and it just doesn’t seem enough. But the truth is He is enough.

Sometimes it can be looking up to the Heavens and saying ‘Nothing is like I hoped, and I know You could change that with one word. But you haven’t, and I trust that it is because You know better. I’m submitting myself to You again, because where else would I go? You have my heart’ 

I could give you a million truths from the Bible and I could share with you about thanking the Lord for what you do have, and trusting Him to provide all you need, and that is all good stuff. But there are moments of sadness in life where I think all we can do is just BE. Be still and sad and realise that it is ok to not always have it all together. God didn’t choose to love us because we were perfect, sinless beings who only ever experienced happiness and always got what they wanted. He chose to love us in our brokenness, our pride and failure. 

He loves you now, whether your pain has been created by your own hands, or if you are the victim of something you had no control over.  

The point is that we can know with all assurance that God is with us. And that HE IS GOOD. 

There is hope for anyone who enters into a New Year with a heavy heart. Hope in the shape of the cross. A life given for us so that we can know LIFE. So that we can have a face to face conversation with the creator of the universe, and so that we can have hope for each day that He is moving, working, hearing and acting. 

Sometimes it is helpful to think about the things we can change, when there are issues in our life we have no control over. The beautiful thing about a new year is the fresh start it provides, the first page of a 365 day book. I was praying and writing about 2018 and what I purposed for this new year (Ann Voskamp has a really good resource to help you with this, I can leave the link below), and I noticed some pretty strong themes. I’ll share a little of what I wrote below…

‘In 2018 I desire to grow more in my relationship with Christ. I purpose to embrace His plan instead of tightly holding mine. When I am with other people I want to make the most of the opportunity to bless someone, even if I feel tired or sad. I want to grow in being more present in that moment with that person, instead of letting my mind wander. I choose to see God’s will for each day, always being thankful for everything He has given me’ 

I see you, disappointed burden carrier. I pray for victory in your life. I pray that you would know with all certainty that God is making a way for you. Take a new grip with your tired hands and always remember that nothing is impossible for the Lord.  

Here’s to a blessed 2018. How can it not be, when we know Jesus.

Jesus said…

'I am leaving you with a gift – peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So do not be troubled or afraid’. John 14v27

 The world craves peace. War torn countries, starving children, abusive homes and loveless marriages. Teenage girls trying to compare their growing bodies to the Instagram girls on their search page. The latest devastating act of terrorism, politicians name calling and newspaper headlines screaming fear into our lives. The drive to succeed, financial pressure, keeping up with the Jones. The single person who would give anything to be married, the married couple who would give anything to be parents. Bereavement, cancer, addiction and homelessness. I could go on.

 

You can seem to have it all together and still be lacking peace.

 
When I read this verse a couple of days ago I was struck by one word. I was struck by the word GIFT. Jesus said He was leaving us with a GIFT. When I give a gift I give it with joy, to someone I love with the desire that they will enjoy what they receive. I do not hold it high in the air for them to jump for; I do not hide it behind my back. A gift is freely given to bless. God is not hiding peace from us.

 

So why is peace not a daily experience for us? Could it be that we are not receiving this gift properly?

 

Many things can get in the way of knowing peace. Speaking from experience, discontentment and a need to be in control are probably two of the biggest barriers to me feeling God’s sweet gift of peace on a daily basis.

 

Peace is not the absence of problems or pain. Peace is not a natural reaction to tragedy, whether personal or in the wider world. Peace can certainly be hard to feel when your life is falling apart and the greater world around you, with its natural disasters and senseless acts of violence, is portrayed on 24 hour news stations.

 

God’s word tells us in John 14v27 that the peace God gives is a peace the world cannot give. If we are looking to the world we live in, indeed to ourselves for peace, then we will not find it. The world is decaying. Romans 8 says that all creation is ‘groaning as in the pains of childbirth’ and that ‘the creation looks forward to the day when it will join God’s children in glorious freedom from death and decay’. Politicians and world leaders, whether by that you think of Beyonce or Mr Tump, cannot give us peace. They are humans, imperfect and fallible, especially when they don’t know the Lord. Our husbands, parents, friends and bodies will all let us down. We cannot expect to receive peace from anything in the world. 

 

Peace is a gift that Jesus gives. So to receive peace you need to know Jesus, to accept His death on the cross for your sin and His glory as He rose to life again. Knowing Him is a daily process that involves relationship, speaking to Him, listening to Him and reading His Word. It is an amazing, wonderful relationship that changes your life and the lives of those around you.

 

But many Christians, me included, often choose to live without peace. So how do we accept this gift that Jesus promised to give?

 

Earlier in chapter 14 of John, Jesus talks about another gift He was leaving the disciples with. In this chapter it is described as the ‘Advocate’, otherwise known as the Comforter, or Encourager, or Counsellor. Verse 17 says ‘He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth’. The Holy Spirit is part of God himself who makes His home within us (v23). When we commit our lives to Christ, God’s Spirit comes to dwell in us, teaching us and reminding us of everything God has told us in His Word. It is only by the power of the Holy Spirit that we have any power to change into God’s likeness. And power we have indeed! Romans 8v11 says ‘The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you’.

 

We can only know peace if we are in relationship with God’s Spirit. Do we have un-forgiveness in our hearts or are we still making room for sin in our lives? This grieves Gods spirit and we are unlikely to feel peace. Are we focusing on our problems, our lack or being ungrateful? It is difficult to have peace when our mind is not focused on the King of Kings.

 

I am blessed in that I can count the truly difficult seasons of my life on one hand. God has shown me great mercy in my life and protected me from so much, things that many of you reading will have gone through. But like every human on the planet, I have been faced with difficulty, and peace is not a natural reaction in these times.

 

I remember being about 14 years old, involved in a dance for a conference, and the lady who had organised the event (who terrified most of us!), turned to me in the middle of speaking to the group and said ‘you have a very tender heart’.

 

This has remained true for me. My heart cares deeply and loves fiercely, but it is also very easily disappointed and bruised. In the times of my life when I have faced rejection, disappointment and sorrow I could easily find myself bitter, impatient and discontent. I can easily become consumed with the things I desire, to the point where my life feels empty without them.

 

Whilst I have experiences the above emotions, I have also praised God and trusted Him regardless, and Lord willing that will be the way I face any future hardships. As I find myself starting a time of waiting just now, it can be so easy for me to feel sad and disheartened. But the other morning as I read this verse, God’s spirit nudged this sense into my heart of what He wanted me to focus on in the next few months. That is PEACE. He has given me it is a gift, and He desires that I receive it.

 

When we face situations we have no control over and are forced to let go of the wheel and wait, we can turn away from the Lord or we can turn to Him. Instead of just passively waiting we can choose to actively wait on the Lord. We can choose to use seasons of waiting as a chance to grow in whatever area He wants to prune us in. For me this is peace. I am actively praying that these next few months will be seasons of peace for me.

 

Just the very act of letting go of your own desires and dreams is peaceful when you acknowledge whose hands you are placing them into. God’s word say He has good plans for our lives, that He can turn any situation for our good and His glory and that we are His treasured possession whom He loves. God is infinitely more able than us. He holds eternity in His hands, He is good and glorious and faithful and He is so AWESOME and BEAUTIFUL and MINDBLOWING. And yes, letting go of control even when we know this can be hard. God’s word also says we will suffer as His followers. We may never receive what we long for.

 

But the more I read His Word and fill my mind with worship and put on His armour and actively wait on His goodness, the more peace I feel. I can be honest with the Lord and say it is hard when I see others receiving what I pray for, but I can also pray for them and bless them and love them, knowing that if this hasn’t happened for me already it is because it is BETTER FOR ME NOT TO HAVE IT RIGHT NOW. I’m letting that one sink in!

 

I can have peace when the world seems to be falling apart because one day Jesus is coming back. He will not abandon us His people. He will redeem us and this broken world. I am at peace because the battle belongs to the Lord. I know my Father God and He is fierce and victorious as well as gentle and gracious. He means EVERYTHING to me and I know I do not need to be troubled or afraid when I know he is walking beside me.

 

The enemy is the father of all lies. Do not listen to anything that God would not say about you, especially when that voice seems to come from yourself.

 

Comparison is a thief, and something I have really let into my life the past few months. I am learning that God made me uniquely, with a story and journey that not one other human has ever lived, or will ever live. The only time I need to be concerned with other people’s lives is when I am praying for them and blessing them!

 

Join me these next few months in soaking up Gods peace. Be still and know Him. Wait on Him. Trust Him. If you receive what you are praying for, rejoice. And if not, know you have received an even greater gift. The gift of God himself.

 

(If you have no idea about some of the things I have talked about, please message me. I grew up going to church so sometimes I can use language that might not make any sense to you. Just holla if you want me to try and explain it a little better!)

This August I got to take part in Total Warrior with some of my best friends, and it was amazing! Who knew being covered in mud was so fun!

Shout out to Zeems for helping me with my cramp on the top of an obstacle.

#truefriendship

I'm late!

Back in April I wrote a blog post on our trip to Guatemala and what we did while we were out there. In that post I said I was hoping to write a second post about what God taught us while we were away and about his awesome provision for us when we came back. Roll on three months and I'm just getting round to it!


It is incredible to me that we have been home three months now, and even more incredible that we actually made that leap of faith to go to Guatemala. It's crazy to think that we booked the trip in January and got on a plane across the Atlantic Ocean just two months afterwards. For a person who runs from spontaneity I think I did pretty well! But it just shows how peaceful you feel when God is in control. When you are yielded to Him nothing is too big or too scary.


On the first week of October I bought a new journal, with the words 'Let's go on an adventure' on the front. Back then I was really struggling with the job I was in, and just finding every day a challenge. At that time going to Guatemala was still a dream, and whilst I was facing an adventure, it wasn't the type I would have chosen. Sill, five months later I really did go on an amazing adventure, spending five weeks in Central America with my husband and one amazing family, falling in love with precious children and coming face to face with the challenges this area of the world faces. I wrote all of those months down in the same journal, and I have loved reading back on it as I write this blog.


When I was a teenager I often dreamed about going on a mission trip over summer or in a gap year. I was often really drawn to South America, even trying to learn a little Portuguese in the hopes that one day I would go to Brazil! My older brothers went to Albania every summer to work with street kids, and whilst I felt so drawn to mission work I never seemed to get the same opportunity. Now I feel so blessed to have been able to serve in Africa and Central America, and I'm still only 24! I thank God for the opportunities He has given me, and for giving me the desires of my heart, desires He placed in my heart when He designed me.


A verse I love is Psalm 90v1, 'Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations'. It's a verse I often pray for my marriage, that throughout all our generations together, wherever we find ourselves, that God alone would be out dwelling place. On the morning of our flight as I woke up at 5am and prayed, it was the verse that came into my heart. It was such a sweet reminder that while we left the comfort and safety of home, our true home was in Jesus, even when we were flying over an ocean!


Whilst away I was definitely challenged to find my security in God and trust in His protection alone. Often when we were stood outside school in plain view I would feel a little nervous, and I definitely felt nervous the first time we visited Santiago at night. I don't know if I mentioned in the previous post, we had to be out of Santiago by a certain time at night, as by then the gangs came out onto the streets and it just wasn't safe. As we left prayer meetings, often very close to that time, I was definitely feeling tense! I noticed pretty quickly that I felt safe if I was stood right next to Geo, (one of the teachers at school and a good friend of the family), or Luke and Juancho, but if it was just me and Sophie outside I would be quite nervous. It was such a challenge to me to remember that God is my protection, that I am safe because He is with me, not just because I was stood next to the guy who grew up with the gang members and is pretty stacked!


'God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble' Psalm 46v1


One thing I know is that my faith grew massively while I was away. It would be hard for it not to, just being with the Humphries every day, who trust God for everything and continually step out in faith, was amazing for me.


Looking back on my life I seem to deal better with the big stuff. I have faith for big answers to prayers and in big situations, but I don't deal well with a few dozen small worries when they happen all at once! My mind can get caught in a web of mind numbing thoughts all shooting around at the same time. It's exhausting!


For me that is a bigger challenge, and the first week I was in Guatemala I had a lot of thoughts going on at once, as well as being in a new place. (Girl struggles with change, if you didn't know by now!) That can so easily wear me down and make me vulnerable to attack. But you know, I don't thing God measures our faith on how big the obstacle is. He knows that things that look small to others are major to us. Faith grows as we trust God with the small stuff. Seeing his faithfulness with little we dare to ask for more. As long as you are praying and then trusting when you feel worried, you will see answers, because he is faithful and just to hear us. Every prayer thrown up to heaven is heard and answered by Jesus. Does that not fill your heart with so much hope!


'And If we know that He hears us - whatever we ask - we know that we have what we asked of Him' 1 John 5v15


So, SO much more happened while we were away and I learnt so much more than this, but in the interest of this post not being too long, I do want to share a little about what was left for us when we got home. Looking back on previous posts I think I might have actually already shared this, but it's too good not to mention again!


We booked the flights to Guatemala really without telling anyone, so when I then had a meeting at work to discuss how I was getting on I point blank told them that we had just booked flights to Guatemala for five weeks and I needed to hand my notice in! It was a pretty amazing feeling, but let me tell you what was more amazing. A few days later they called me back into the office to offer me a part time job when I got back. A part time job on reception and admin. My aching nurses neck rejoiced! God had answered my prayers in an unimaginable way. It was too good an option to turn down. Instead of coming back from five weeks away to no job, I came home to my old job, but with less hours and less surgery time!


It still blows me away. Today is my day off and I have gone for a run (training for Total Warrior in a couple of weeks), hoovered out my car and written this blog post. I would never have had the time or energy to do these things if I was still working full time. I am so enjoying being able to go home more and see my family, spending time with my mummy friends and their babies and just being able to care for my home and husband better. It is such a gift and I know I am blessed, but I also prayed so hard for this, for two years! In no way does that somehow make me deserving of God's gifts, but it is an encouragement to anyone who wishes they were in my position. Pray and pray and pray! He will answer!


I am overwhelmed with thankfulness for this amazing adventure. Thankyou Jesus for the next one. Thankyou for being who You are, so faithful, so kind and so just. The world may try and tarnish Your name, but may I speak forever of how beautiful it is. Amen.


Ps, two of my favourite photo's of the last few months. From my new home in Cumbria with Roy to a place that will always feel like home, my Grandad's house tucked under the shadow of the Yorkshire Three Peaks. I'm one blessed woman. And He is one good God.

Two Sweet Years

Recently Roy and myself celebrated our second anniversary, and it has been on my heart to share a few of the things we have learnt in these early days of our marriage. I pray it encourages other young married couples and has some wisdom for those who are engaged or thinking about marriage in the future. It is by no means to say that we have a perfect relationship or we don't have a LOT to learn still, but rather that we are learning and growing in our faith and relationship as the months go by.
A lot of people say the first year of marriage is the hardest, and have real struggles in those first few months. I think for a lot of people it is the realisation that the person they married isn't as perfect as they had imagined, in fact, they are pretty difficult to live with and might hurt your feelings more than once. This can quickly escalate and cause major problems.

By God's grace this wasn't the case for us, and I think that has a lot to do with our dating relationship. We were boyfriend and girlfriend from the age of 18 to 21 and in those three years we had one issue that saw us having a break (for a month, lol). It was in that time that we both realised that the person we loved was indeed not perfect, had hurt us or caused us discomfort, and we had to come face to face with whether we wanted to carry on the relationship or walk away. If it were not for God completely stepping in I think one or the other of us would have ended the relationship at some point, yet by incredible circumstance he kept us together, and 9 months later we got engaged.

It was at this time that my precious friend Mirjam talked to me about how I had been given the opportunity to love the way God loves us, in that he chooses to love us despite our flaws and the behaviour that hurts Him so deeply. Even when we go after other 'lovers', He still calls us back into relationship with Him and calls us His 'treasured possession'. She explained that I could now love Roy not because of how good he made me feel, but because I loved him and wanted to commit myself to him for the rest of my life.

I think because of this experience we entered into marriage knowing the other had flaws and looking at marriage as a way to serve each other, and in the bigger picture, to serve God. We believe marriage between a man and woman is a reflection of God's love for the church (His people), and we believe that marriage is a way to serve others around us and to bring up children to know the Lord. Also we believe marriage refines us, because loving and committing to one person for your whole life is not easy, and it reveals all of our selfishness and failure with a big old magnifying glass.

Either way though, whether your first years together are incredibly hard or fun and beautiful, God can do glorious things in and through it if we come to Him, lay our sin and burdens at His feet and ask Him to do a work in us and our marriage. So many Christian leaders have had difficulties in the first years of marriage, so please don't give up if that sounds like you! Keep trusting, praying and loving. He will do the rest.

So, now that's out of the way, what have we learnt this last few years. For me so much of my life has been about getting used to this new place and life up in the (frozen) North, so I asked Roy what he had learnt from being married two years, and his answers really blessed me. One thing I have learnt is there is a time and place to talk to Roy about deeper things, and one of the best times is in the car. Something about driving makes it easier for him to open up, cos he's a man and he isn't wired like girls (although I'm an internal processor so not you're stereotypical girl!)

Roy said the biggest thing he has learnt is that his time is not his own anymore! Now if he wants to do something he has to talk it through with me before, to see if I agree or if we already have plans for that time. Roy is actually really good at this, but if I think back to two years ago I realise it is something that he has had to work on! It's the same for me though, especially since Roy is so laid back, I can sometimes plan things without asking him first. Although pretty much every time he says yes, it's still so important to show respect to one another in discussing the way you spend your time or money. When Roy asks my opinion on something it makes me feel valued and special, and probably a lot more likely to say yes!

I then asked him what advice he would give a young guy who was about to get married. Roy said 'words matter, and sometimes more than you think'. This was so interesting to me and especially that Roy didn't really think before he said it. He explained that when he gives me a compliment I remember it and bring it up for days. Also if I think back to our newlywed days I remember how when Roy made a joke about me it could instantly change the way I felt about myself. Even though I knew Roy was only joking, I would wonder if there was truth in what he said and it would effect my self image and self esteem. I think we have both grown in this area, me in confidence and the knowledge of my worth in Jesus, and also Roy in judging whether it's a good time to make that joke or whether it will ever be a good time!

Words matter, especially if you are married to someone who feels loved by verbal affirmation. Roy is one of those people and it works well considering God has made me with a heart to encourage. Even though words aren't the primary way I feel loved they are still so important. Roy isn't the kind of guy that writes long facebook posts about how amazing I am or constantly telling me how beautiful I am, but the odd time he might do just that I treasure it in my heart for a long time. Being loved, encouraged, built up and praised with words is so special in marriage.

I guess thinking on this time of my life, I can honestly say the advice I would give to a young wife or engaged couple is just to pray. Pray about everything, pray without ceasing! Pray for your husband every day, that he will be blessed at work, at football, at church, that he will have opportunities to share his faith and bless others, that he will grow in the knowledge of the Lord and that he would continue to lead your family well. Pray about your marriage, thank God for the good things and pray about the things that concern you. I mean pray about EVERYTHING! Nothing is too trivial or embarrassing to share with the Lord. He knows it all anyway!

Prayer works. In some indescribable, miracle of heaven it works. It is such a mystery why God would choose to listen to our prayers and act, but He does! Also remember that we have a great High priest in Jesus, who intercedes for us, and the Holy Spirit who helps us pray.

'Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let

us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who us unable

to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as

we are - yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that

we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need'

Hebrews 4v14-16

I

 don't know about you but those words blow me away this morning. Jesus knows exactly how we feel since he walked on this earth and although he was never married himself, he had earthly parents and friends who were. He understands, and what's more, he wants us to approach Him in prayer with confidence, and promises that we will receive help in our time of need. It may not be a quick fix, it may take constant, devoted prayer, but He will act. He is too good not to want the best for us and to give it to us when we humbly ask.

I hope my foolish writing encourages you today, whatever stage of life you are in. God uses our circumstances, our marriages, our lives to shape us and mould us into something holy and pleasing to Him. He is a good father, and I cannot think of anyone else I would rather entrust my life, and marriage too.



Mission Guatemala Trip 2017

In March Roy and myself headed to Guatemala for 5 weeks to work alongside friends of ours who are missionaries out there. Roy went there for a month when he was 19, and we have always felt a burden on our hearts to visit when we got married. God's perfect timing meant we booked the trip in January and headed out there on the 7th March.


In this post I am going to write more of an overview of what we did while we were out there, and I hope to write a second post about what God has been teaching us while we were away and about the incredible provision He has blessed us with on our return.

We flew from Manchester to Guatemala City via Atlanta airport and were picked up by Luke, Sophie and Juancho and taken back to Sophie and Juancho's house in San Lucas, about a 30 minute drive (without traffic!) further up in the mountains. We were so blessed with amazing hospitality by the Humphries family while we were out there, but particularly Juancho and Sophie who made us feel so at home. They also have two dogs, Harry and Wills, who we quickly fell in love with!

The Humphries work in a town called Santiago, an indigenous just a 10 minute drive from their home. You can find more about the work they do here:  http://www.missionguatemala.co.uk/ or on their Facebook page. They have been in Guatemala for over 10 years and they run a school for over 170 children who would otherwise not receive an education. Santiago is a dangerous place, dominated by violent gangs and witchcraft. God's work in calling the Humphries to this place so forgotten by anybody else is truly a miracle.

In the mornings the pre-school uses the building 'El Refugio', or The Refuge' and in the afternoon it is the older classes. We spent Monday to Friday with one or the other, and we fell in love with the precious children. Before we came out we both talked about how we wanted to help the family however we could, and we asked God to show us ways we could help.

One of those ways turned out to be photocopying. We did a LOT of photocopying! We genuinely really enjoyed it and loved that we were able to help in a really practical way. The family work so hard teaching large classes, so being able to help them make up text books for the kids was fantastic, and it is so awesome for us to know that these books we made will be used for years to come.

We only speak very basic Spanish but we found we were able to communicate fairly well with the kids. I did some marking and handed out books to the kids, and Roy did the register, the kids found his pronunciation SO funny! Roy also set up a football league for the kids in their P.E lessons which they absolutely loved, and we also choreographed a dance based on the Watoto Children's Choir videos and taught it to the kids, which they really enjoyed. Dancing is not part of their culture and so it was fun to see them enjoying moving and laughing with their friends.

We also really enjoyed being part of the church the Humphries run, and so many of the families have a special place in our hearts. We loved helping run the youth group, playing games with the teenagers and listening to the word Luke gave. We also really enjoyed the weekly bible study where Linda was teaching on the Church being the Body and the danger of division.

We were able to meet Roy's sponsor child Juan Josue and Roy's mums sponsor child Iris, who I am with the in the photo. Unfortunately the girl I sponsored for 5 years, Brenda, didn't come back to school this year. She is about 13 now and her parents will want her to work full time and bring in a wage. Some of the families have little respect for education, which sadly limits the opportunities the child has in the future. Many of the children have jobs in the mornings before they come to school. It is a hard life for the people of Santiago.

We also had the opportunity to do some house visits, which was a memory that will stick with us forever. We saw the home of a woman in the church which was truly awful, and thankfully the Mission hope to build her a better home for herself and her three sons. I wrote about this experience on the latest newsletter, which you can find on the Mission Guatemala website.

Guatemala is a stunningly beautiful country and we had the opportunity to see some of it while we were away. From the volcanoes in the distance to the gorgeous town of Antigua, we were blown away by God's creation, which is so different in Guatemala to the rolling hills of Cumbria!

 

One exciting thing that happened while we were away was the birth of baby Henry! Luke and Stephanie's second child was born on the 23rd March weighing 8lb1ounce. The circumstances of his birth were miraculous, with a last minute doctor change just the day before. It had God's fingerprints all over it, and was such an answer to prayer. It was so special to go and meet this precious little newborn, a little brother for Theodore.

Also while we were away we got the opportunity to visit Xela, a town about three hours away from San Lucas. Juancho has family there and we had an amazing time being shown around the beautiful city. Like Antigua, Xela is very safe and so it was nice to be able to walk around and feel secure and comfortable. We visited an art gallery, ate in some amazing places, tried sushi and Guatemalan hot chocolate and visited a cool bookstore.

By far one of the most amazing experiences we had though was a visit to the Fuentes Georginas, pools fed by hot sulphur springs straight from a volcano! The drive up through indigenous farm land was stunning, but we were even more blown away by how beautiful the hot springs were, surrounded by steep walls covered in tropical vines, ferns and flowers. We felt like we had stepped into the Jungle Book!

It was a world away from Santiago, but so fun to rest and enjoy being with Juancho and Sophie and their family.

I hope this gives a little bit of a sense of our trip! It's hard to put into words the incredible, life changing experience we have had. Guatemala is a place of extremes, from the extraordinary beauty, to the daily threat of danger. It has made me so thankful for the safety we experience in the UK and for the complete submission the Humphries have to God's will. Please pray for them if you think of them, the work they do is priceless. They educate so many children, giving them a chance at a better life for themselves and their families, but more importantly, they share the love of Christ with a people who have no other hope. They are truly changing lives.