I stare down at the text I just received, not totally sure how to feel. Sure, I'm partly relieved that I'm not alone, but I also feel sad, as I realise that there probably isn't a girl alive who wouldn't understand what it is to feel like I did that morning. Like I'm just not good enough.
Not pretty enough, not funny enough, not cool enough, the list could go on. Us ladies seem to make a habit of measuring ourselves up to some perfect standard set by the media. We constantly compare and critique until all we see is how completely inadequate we are.
I hate feeling like that. Like I really hate it. Because ever since I've been young I've always been pretty confident in who I am. Growing up I liked the way I looked, I liked my personality, and unlike the majority of females in today's society, I grew up knowing I was made in God's image. I always felt special, because I knew that God had made just the was I was, with all my gifts and abilities. I was unique, set apart for work that only I could accomplish.
And most days I still feel like this, except every so often thoughts start to worm their way into my mind, which suggest that my uniqueness is actually wrong. It may come from scrolling down Facebook, and seeing pictures of some of my beautiful friends, or it might come from watching someone serve God with the gifts and talents they have, and wondering why I'm not blessed the same way.
So I start on major 'Rachel improvement', where I decide to buy some new clothes that will make me look really fashion-y and different (or like every other teenager on the planet), or I resolve to take a hundred pictures of everything I do so everyone can see how cool I am (there's nothing wrong with pictures. I like pictures. It's your heart that counts).
Last week I wrote this in my journal, and I guess it sums it up. 'Sometimes I feel like everyone needs to know about my talents, so they will admire me more. I fee like I have to appear holy, attractive, funny and kind at all times. It is a dangerous mix of pride and low self esteem, and it ignore the wonderful truth of the Gospel'.
Feeling like that? It's just plain wrong. It's the same old lies we eat up each time, which make us turn from God because we don't feel worthy to even look at Him. And He has never, ever wanted us to feel like that. This is God, who designed you and made you, who has redeemed you and wants you to experience life to the full!
Psalm 139 says 'For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mothers womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well'.
If that isn't incredible enough, it later goes on to say 'How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand'.
God hasn't just made us exactly right, He also thinks of us more times than all the grains of sand!
So what am I trying to say? I'm saying, you, yes YOU, male or female, young or old, loud and proud or shy and gentle, are good enough! God is crazy about you! When you except Him as Lord of your life, you are welcomed into the Kingdom as a child of God. You're royalty, friend.
As I look at myself through God's eyes, I free myself up to understand what He has called me to do on this earth. For me, that's leading worship and doing something with this writing thing (!), but it will be different for each one of you. One of my best friends has the most incredible sense of humor, another is a really talented artist, another is so much fun to be around that she makes me feel like a fun person to be around! Sure, some talents aren't as obvious as others, but they sure aren't a mistake. God has gifted you for a reason, and that is to bless others and bring glory to Him.
So, get into lane guys! Stop trying to run someone else's race. Acknowledge what you have, and then go use it! If you aren't sure how God has gifted you, then pray about it, and don't be afraid to ask someone you trust to help you out. And I promise you, as you do this, you will catch even greater glimpses of the God who has made you. The God who is in Heaven, 'rejoicing over you with singing'.
Ps Yes, I have been listening to country music recently. I really, really wanted to use the word y'all. Sorry guys.
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