Selfless Friendship

Friendship is a beautiful God given gift. Can you imagine life without friendship? Without people to laugh with, cry with, journey with? When God said it isn’t good for man to be alone, I don’t think he was just talking about marriage. True, your spouse might be the best friend you will ever have, but we aren’t all married, and there is something about sharing with sisters and brothers in Christ that challenges and encourages and shapes you in a way that a marriage relationship alone cannot. 
But friendship is also tricky. We are all imperfect humans, with our own fears, struggles and personality types that make us hard to be around and prone to mistakes. Oh yeah, and that one thing we all are. Selfish.  



There is nothing lovely about selfishness. The very word is dark and ugly. A million lives have been shattered by the selfish act of another. Can you imagine life without selfishness? Our prisons would be empty, there wouldn’t be one homeless person on the streets. No broken tears of children who’s innocence has been stolen, no families ripped apart by lies and broken promises. 

Yet we are all selfish each day of our lives. I am the most selfish person I know, because I know my own thoughts, and they aren’t pretty. The majority of the decisions I make each day are to please myself. Being married has certainly shown me how selfish I am, but God has also bought it to my attention recently how selfishness affects my friendships.



‘Let each one of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interest of others’. Phil 2v4



‘Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others’. Phil 2v34



There is not a hint of selfishness in God. He is the one who gave up a part of himself, his one and only Son, to save a reckless and broken people. He did not put His own needs first, His love and companionship with His Son. He poured out the deepest love and grace over us, so that we could have life, eternal life with Him.


Yet I so often find myself feeling lonely in big groups. I can be really shy, even around people I know. I really value the close friends I have because I trust them and feel able to share with them in a way I can’t with anyone else. But sometimes I see them with other people and think, ‘they like that friend better than me’, or ‘they are more fun than I am’. I can spend a little more time than I should evaluating and analysing whether my friends love me as much as I love them.

The problem here? Well, aside from me listening to lies and isolating myself from people who actually do love me and don’t think I’m a loser (I hope!), I am also being incredibly selfish. I am saying my friends are only there to meet my needs; they must give me all their attention and make me feel special and loved.


Don’t get me wrong, I have time for what’s going on with them too. I love my friends for far more than the way they make me feel, but I’ve been asking myself recently, is my sole intention when meeting my friends to bless them, or to be blessed? If I seek to pray and support my friends whilst around them or away from them, if my intention towards them is to build them up and point them to Jesus, then whether or not I feel blessed or loved, I am blessed, because I am lining up my heart with my Fathers.



Friends will also hurt us. Often it’s unintentional. I feel things deeply, and I love deeply. If I see someone I love hurt themselves because of their choices, I will become angry, because I want to protect them and I can’t. I have to realise that I can’t control people’s behaviour, but I must love them through it. I must come to Jesus with how those behaviours hurt me, knowing that He gets it entirely. I must hand that burden to Him so that I can support and love my precious friends through whatever they might choose to do.



We cannot protect ourselves or our friends from everything. But we do know a healer that longs to restore what we have lost on life’s journey. He is the perfect example of how to love selflessly, and He longs to help us do the same.


So it’s simple really, a little challenge. Next time you meet with a friend or pray for them, let your sole intention be to bless and encourage them. Really listen to them. Wait before you rush in with your own burdens. Know that God is always available to carry your burdens, so that you can help support your friends in theirs. And don’t try and do it out of your own strength, because it won’t work. Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, and encourage them to do the same.



I so haven’t got this yet. I’m figuring it out as I write it. I’m praying that I will be able to do it and you will too. I’m praying you won’t beat yourself up when you mess up, because you probably will. But the closer you are to Jesus, the more time you spend with Him, the easier it will get. You probably find yourself doing it without even knowing.



This verse has been floating around my head as I thought about this. ‘But you are not like that, for you are a chosen people. You are royal priests, a holy nation, God's very own possession. As a result, you can show others the goodness of God, for he called you out of the darkness into his wonderful light’.


Hey, you! You’re God’s very own possession! He loves you so much. Let’s be selfless as a response to the One who called us out of darkness into His wonderful light!


PS, hey I got Instagram back! You might have read my blog post a little while ago about why I decided to delete it. It was a really good choice, but since I moved up North I have found myself feeling like I'm missing out on what's going on in some of my favourite people's lives. So I prayed about it, and got it back. But I'm thankful for my time off. I don't feel like I have to filter my face anymore. You shouldn't either! :)