If you were asked to sit down and write a list of your top five most stressful life experiences, can I take a guess at what you might write?
1) Buying a house
2) Getting a new job
3) Moving house
4) Planning a wedding
5) Change of any kind (ok, maybe that's just me!)
Thing is, me and Roy are about to attempt all of the above in the next year.
We are by no means the first, and we won't be the last. I know people that moved across oceans to marry the guy they loved. I bet they would give anything to live an hour up the motorway from their friends and family. Nevertheless, it is still a lot to think about, especially for someone who is a bit of a home bird, with a slight fear of change.
I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I am so excited right now. I can't wait to celebrate my commitment to Roy with all my friends and family, and to spend my life learning to love him through the ups and downs of life. I am under no illusions that it will be a breeze, but I can't help but grin when I think that I will get to see him every day. I mean, come on now!
Still, we have what feels like hundreds of questions floating around our heads that we just don't have answers for. And it can get to feeling like everyone has an opinion on what we should do, but us.
On Thursday I went to my weekly life group, and as usual we talked about our weeks and what things we might need prayer for. I explained to them that whilst I was feeling so excited, I was also feeling a little drained by the thoughts that were assaulting me from every angle.
God has blessed me beyond belief with my life group. As they prayed for me and Roy one by one, I felt peace settle over me. I was reminded of verse 1 of Psalm 23.
'The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want'
Have you ever got up early to watch a sunrise? So you get up really early and go someplace high, far away from bright lights. At the beginning you can't see anything, because it's so dark. There isn't any reflected glow from a streetlight, no stars to light up what's in front of you. All you can see is blackness.
But slowly, the red and gold starts to tinge the horizon, and as it makes it's way higher and higher, you begin to see a little more clearer. Just the next few steps at first, but soon the sun is high in the sky, and you can see everything.
Just because you can't see what's in front of you, doesn't mean it's not there.
I sat in that room, covered by the prayers of people I love and respect, and I felt totally humbled. Because of how obvious it is!
Right now it feel's like even the next step isn't clear, but just because I can't see where I'm going, doesn't mean God hasn't got it planned out. He is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and end. He know's exactly where I will be a year today, and the year after, and the year after.
'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose' Romans 8v28
That's a promise to cling to. No matter what happens, God can work it for good. Right now, his 'good' for me is not knowing a whole lot, but that's ok. It's causing me to cling to him, to exercise my trust muscles by constantly reminding myself of his promises, and His faithfulness in seeing them through.
I know the next year is going to be an amazing adventure. I also know I am heading into the unknown, but guess what? Right in the centre of the unknown stands my Good Shepherd. And He is all I need to know.
PS Today I am thankful for this guy. His servant heart inspires me. Plus he makes me laugh like a five year old. I'm blessed.
