Is it just me, or does it seem like when we were kids, we weren't afraid of anything?
As a child, I had one major fear. This fear was feeding the ducks. Roy is convinced I had some terrifying experience with them, like one flew into my pram when I was a baby. I can't remember that, but I do remember mum having to put me somewhere really high so I could feed the ducks without having them all come around my feet. The thought of that actually still scares me. It's safe to say I'm not a fan of birds. In the sky, sure, but in my personal space, no thanks!
Still, apart from that, I can't remember being afraid. I was game for roller-coasters, swimming in rapids, jumping off piers, dangerous looking swings that led to massive bumps on foreheads, climbing trees that were way to big for me. Basically anything my big brothers and cousins were doing.
Maybe my family remember it differently, but as far as I can tell I was a pretty fearless child, and even teenager. I usually wanted to do things myself, if that was doing my own hair or my own homework. I wanted to be given the chance to try things, and to show I could do it. If something looked fun, I wanted to join in.
So in all honesty, I'm not sure where fear started to creep in. I guess it happens little by little. One bad experience with a kid on the playground, one time you jump and the scraped knees sting for weeks, one time your left outside in the dark waiting to get picked up. The time you first experience heartbreak and wonder if you are ever going to stop hurting. Moment by moment fear starts to grow, fed by the media and even family patterns.
One area where fear really impacts me is in relationships. I was raised on Disney Princesses and the solid foundation of my parents marriage. As I got older I realised I valued having a few really close friendships. I wasn't the girl who was constantly making new friends. I knew I would love to have one guy in my life who I could be me with, who I could be quiet with but also be a chatterbox with, the way I'm not with anyone else.
A little while ago I was struggling with fear over the future, fears that stemmed from old memories, fear of rejection, failure and a lack of control. God saw his child hurting, and used two of his other kids to help her. He's the best.
One reminded me that the Enemy hates marriage. In fact, he hates us being excited over what God is doing, feeling content with what He's given and loved by Him. I realised that maybe there was more going on then I had thought, and that right now I was exactly where the Enemy wanted me, scared about the future and feeling worthless.
Then my other friend sent me the verse at the top of the page, a verse I hadn't thought about for a long time. She put at the bottom of the text, 'God will drive it out'. So that's what we started praying for, that God would drive out my fear.
Want to know something incredible? I do not feel afraid! I am so excited about getting married, owning a house and figuring out how to lay my life down for Him and him, that I am about to burst. Moving an hour away from home is just part of my life now. I don't feel afraid. I feel...blessed.
I love that translation of the verse, that His perfect love drives out fear. Have you seen the film Australia? It reminds me of the Drover, whose job was to drive hundreds of wild cattle over long distances. These cattle often wanted to run in different directions, especially if panicked. In the film the 'bad-guy' set's fires around the Drover's campsite, causing the cattle to panic and almost run themselves off a cliff to their death. Doesn't that just remind you of what the Enemy tries to do with us?
Thankfully the drover rides around the cattle, driving them away from certain death to safety. That is what God wants to do with us. He want's to lift us out of the grip our fears have on us, and wrap us in His arms of love and protection. It doesn't mean we will never encounter real fear. It doesn't mean our lives will be lived wrapped in cotton wool. But it does mean we DO NOT have to live under the rule of fear. Our every day should not involve fear of the future, of the unknown or the uncertain.
Because we have a God that has gone before, cemented our futures in Him, and overcome the Enemy, crushing him under his feet. The battle belongs to the Lord. Now what were we afraid of again?
Ps, old photo, I know, but very thankful for these girls.Back then we didn't know one us would soon be married and living in Canada, or that one of them would one day be my sister in law!
Extra thanks to Hat and Zeems who I couldn't have written this blog without.
